stress...pain.....and harrassment!

Lately I have been trying to handle a few problems and dissagreements I have been having with my ex boyfriend. It has gotten to the point where the other day I went down to the police station to get some help from them. To my surprise however, after I had finished my statement and told them all I could remember after 3 hours of sitting in the office, they contacted me after getting ahold of my ex and accused me of lying to them, and told me that they were charging me with public mischief for leading the cops onto a fauls charge.

Now incase some of you are confused the reason i went to the cops in the first place was because he was harrassing me and uttering threats towards me and my boyfriend,


I can say this much I feel like I have reached the peak of my stress level. im feeling really sick and I can barely eat half the time...its horrible and on top of all that the cops turn around and accuse me of lying to them?!!!....

they are really helping to give me confidence in the few people i thought could maybe help me for once. but i see i was wrong.....i came to the conclusion a long time ago that its hard for me to trust anyone, now i see that i really cant!............what do i do? ..the law wont help me....and i cant handle it on my own...and knowone else will help ...every one who i call my friends and family....all tell me to just go to the law...and let them deal with it..well they slamed there door in my fucking face! ..............now what?

why is life so hard some times?

Some times i sit down and think to myself.....why does life have to be so complicated? why does it always throw twists and turns and BLOCKS in front of you just when you think things are starting to turn out better? the answer to this is unknown to me personaly but to others i ask ...they always seem to have the right answers.

Alot of things have happend in my life over the past little while...2 of my best friends were blessed with the most beautiful baby girl i have ever seen...*congrats guys I love you*...I moved away ...and came back, and yet again it seems that someone i know has passed away. I have alot going through my head that I wish wasnt, but there isnt much i can do to stop it. Alot of things i have told to those close to me and they are helping me through it, but there are a few other things that no one knows about that I havent been able to *solve* on my own, they are very difficult things for me and i know talking about them would probably help but as you all know me..there are certain things i like to do on my own.

I dont know why i am writing this, maybe just for a little bit of releaf on my part, and to let people know that I am still alive and I havent fallen off the face of the earth.

I half expected things to go back to being the way they were before i left town but for some reason alot of things seem different. People seem to have changed while i was gone...dam i didnt think i was gone that long people ....like come one here! ...*hehe*.

Everyone i used to know is either too busy to say hi or talk on the phone, either that or they are no longer around or no longer want the company of me....Although I see why in the cases of some of the people i knew but for the majority of the others I am uncertain why...

So I end this statement with this finaly question..can any one give me there explenation why?

Why is life so twisted?

good news ...for me anyways

Well I came to the conclusion the other day that I am no where near ready to be out on my own as you all may have figured would happen sooner than later I am on my way home!....I will be in town on the 14th of this month. There are a few reasons why I am coming home for those of you who chose to ask....one: I miss my mommy and daddy(yes i guess that one would have been a give in)..two: I am having some physical problems I need to be at home to deal with, a.k.a my screwed up spine has gotten worse since I'v been here and I need to go back and see my doctor back home. three: there are certain people who are having a baby soon who would apreciate having me home for that, and four: the most important thing (to me that is) is the fact that I am in love, Now i know this person loves me back just as much, but nothing is going on between us...(yet)...I have yet to talk to this person and figure out what we are going to do about *us* and the way we feel...

So on a closing note...yes I am coming home for good...

I love you all and I will see you shortly...

(did ya miss me)...hehehe

The big move!

Well Incase alot of you didnt know, I am no longer in the sweet little town of mission, I have infact packed my bags and left B.C.

I am currently living in Calgary Alberta with my big sister tabz, and her Thing.....i mean boyfriend thiing!!..randy

I am soo sorry I did not get the chance to say goodbye to alot of you before I left but if you would like to keep in touch with me, Rose has my email!.....:P

I moved out here to find better work and to mainly do some soul searching, I have made a few friends already and am willing to make a few more down the road. I am not sure if this move is permanent or temporary, but one thing that might bring me home, is the piece of my heart and soul that I left behind, my best friend, brother, lover, whatever you want to call him, I had no choice but to leave him behind back home, and make this journy without him. but he will be coming out here shortly anyways!>......

anyways, that is all for now....like i said if you want to keep in touch with me rose has my email.....

love you all.......

Making up your mind!

Men really need to learn how to make up there minds...I have come to realize over the past year that men dont know how to do that!.......Well there is an old saying that goes"if you love someone let them go, and if they come back then it was ment to be"..well...Terry came back and we worked everything out...and we are together......cause we broke up for a while there and i dont know if i mentioned that or not? i have a really bad memory these days.....but if i did mention that already im sorry .....for those who even read this anymore(I dont know if any one even reads my blog anymore cause it seems like nobody does or they do and just dont care about how im doin!):(

I think that relationships are a big waist of time, they dont amount to anything if you dont have the right person, it takes what seems like your whole life for you to even find the right person and when you do find the right person, you dont even know it cause they are to stupid and pig headed to tell you how they really feel. Instead they get scared and tell you that you would be better off as friends. I have come to the conclusion over the past little while that relationships are jut not my thing, because everytime I find something that makes me feel complete.....something goes wrong to screw it up! like men thinking that if we ever fight we will break up instantly and never talk to each other ever again ....well ya know what if you've known the guy for 6 years already and you havent foughten yet.....then why the hell would you start now!?? I know that fights DO and WILL happen in most relationships but thats no reason to freak out and dump the person right away ....I mean ......If you fight with your significant other and you get upset with them but in your heart you still love them then it shouldnt be a big thing to worry about .......but ....i guess its unerstandable...............TO MEN ! but not to someone like me......I think im just going to stay single for the rest of my life and that was that !

Good and Better!

Wes and I arent going out anymore....But I have someone new! His name is Terry hes really hot...and......yeah im gonna stop there!!!!

Im happy.....My gramma lives in mission !! we just moved her out here on wednessday!
I might be moving in the next 2-3 years............not saying where ...till i figure out if im going or not!
but yeah ..thats all.....